Perhaps you shouldn’t show up on a first date in your mediocre version – especially not in times of self-optimisation, when everyone is striving for the best self of all time. The only question is: How many me’s are there actually? Which one is the best? And do you even want that? Those who are prone to narcissism are lucky. After all, in their eyes they are already the best version of themselves. But this view is of course very subjective. It would be better to get some objective data and facts. And, as we all know, the truth is on the street.
I take a big approach to the question and make an appointment with a Mercedes-Benz V-Class. Because it needs to be optimised, I choose the top-of-the-range engine, the 300d. The two-litre four-cylinder diesel with its 239 hp output and 500 Nm torque should be enough for optimum propulsion; in this case, the standard 9G-Tronic automatic transmission distributes the power to all four wheels. Optimum in this case means “4matic”. And off we both go, full of vigour. A few low mountain bends are just right for getting to know each other, I think to myself. The optional Agility Control suspension always stays calmly on track, the selective damping system provides comfortable compensation and absorbs bumps with a shrug of the shoulders. The first realisation: from a purely physical driving point of view, this is the perfect car, even the raised seat with its van-like perspective is quickly forgotten. Limousine-like comfort sets in. The ambience contributes to this. The equipment line is called “Exclusive” and makes every effort to live up to this claim.
A brief digression on the experimental design of this date is in order here: optimisation efforts in the sense of self-optimisation should demonstrate rational, disciplined and systematic self-control via feedback. They should therefore have sense and reason. This does not include routine improvements without any targeted efforts to achieve an ideal of any kind. A special lifestyle must be striven for.
Back on the road, or more precisely: in the passenger compartment. First impression: everything in here is finely brushed aluminium trim. Here, the air vents flash in silver chrome, leather trim everywhere provides tactile pleasure, while the finely crafted decorative stitching is a visual delight. And the panoramic sunroof broadens the horizon immensely, while the centre console delights with an integrated cooling compartment. Is that already self-optimisation? The second realisation is that it is certainly beautiful.
But it becomes a great whole if you listen carefully. To the things you don’t hear, for example: the driving noise is gently banished from the interior by the insulating glass, while Freund Burmester with surround sound from 16 high-performance loudspeakers including a bass reflex box provides the feel-good sounds you choose. The whole thing is topped off by the seats – the active seat ventilation ensures a perfect climate in the driver’s and front passenger’s backs, while guests in the rear can also be massaged in the optional luxury seats. The third finding: nagging passengers, whether in the form of life partners, children or parents-in-law, can be kept perfectly quiet, even when the speedometer needle is approaching the maximum 220 km/h on the motorway.
The only question that remains is: what does all this tell us about the self-optimised ego? The answer comes shortly after the test drive in the form of a request: my wife complains of a neglected back, a massage is in order, but it shouldn’t be anything less than the V-Class, please…. To cut a long story short: it was a stupid idea to choose this flagship vehicle of all things for this test set-up. Now I’m optimising my wife’s well-being instead of my own …
